Realize Band

So have you seen those commercials for the Realize Band (Gastric Weight loss Band)? The people are saying things like:

“I want to fly to Paris.” Or “I want to do Karate with my little warrior.”

That’s all fine and dandy, and sure I can relate, like I would love to ride a rollercoaster, but the thing I don’t like is that the commercial is too nice. I mean when your fat you have a lot of anger, a lot. If the commercial were more realistic you’d have people saying things like:

“I’d like to be able to stop at one slice.”

“I’d like to be able to run down the next jerk that runs off with my Twinkie and bust their face open!”

“I’d like to buy cloths at Target, and not Sportsman’s Warehouse (No I need a 2 person tent)

“I’d like to be able to tell everyone at my next High School Reunion to fuck off.” (Guess I can do that now, but I’d like to say it with rock hard abs and ass cheek implants)

Stuff like that...